Dem Stock

Rebecca and I were talking at a table at the Blue Fugue. Some jackass walked up to us, put his arms around us, and said he was leaving and wanted to say goodbye. I have no idea who this guy was.

In his wake, another guy walks up and asks what we’re talking about. We told him some ridiculous guy just hit on us, sort of. He asked a really interesting question:

Do I feel like I've been getting hit on more often in the last year?

Hm. No. I feel like I’ve always had unwanted male attention, especially since I came to college. But only in the last semester has the attention been particularly asshole-ish, I told the guy. I was interested. He seemed like he had a solution, or at least an explanation

He proceeded to tell me about a book published in 2004ish by a guy who is sick of striking out with women and comes up with a fool-proof method.
"It was on the best sellers list and everything," this guy says. He talks on and on about this best-selling, well-read book that he also read. He says this book may be changing how men hit on women. But he doesn’t tell us what it is or who wrote it.

Three seconds into this diatribe and I know two things:
A) This guy is talking about the book by Mystery, of VH1's The Pickup Artist fame.
B) This guy is an asshole.
Why is he assuming that I didn’t read a book that was on the NYT best sellers list? This is going nowhere good.

So I ask him if he is talking about Mystery. He is thrilled I brought up the name, and started delving into Mystery's "method". I assure him that I am not an idiot and had indeed heard of Mystery before he bestowed this knowledge upon me. I tell him that I have one problem with Mystery: The pickup artist's method treats all women as having the same "turn-on switches." In my opinion, I am more than a turn on switch and a vagina. I even have a brain. Plus, my turn on’s may be different than other women’s. For example, some one who likes Mystery's method is not going to turn on my switch.

He starts explaining to me the difference between a one night stand and real love. (Ya, thanks, I hadn't understood until this moment, asshole. But please, continue.) He tells me that by relegating women to the emotional capacity of a switchboard, Mystery keeps men from being rejected for real love.

Here is the problem with meeting women, he tells me. Women are approached so often that they start shutting down every guy they see automatically, without giving him a chance. (You would think the fact that he and I are still talking would negate that premise, but let's continue) But this guy isn't blaming asshole men who hit on girls in skeezy ways; he is blaming women for not welcoming every single male advance in the hopes that one might be from a nice guy. So, shame on us women, for not welcoming every guy who hits on us during the day. Next time a construction worker tells you that you are a fine piece of meat, remember he is only saying that because he was turned down by some cold hearted bitch. She was probably even a feminist.

This is when it gets interesting.

The guy tells me that men have it hard because they have to initiate all romantic interactions. (My boyfriend would find this hard to believe. The reason we are dating is because I asked HIM out.) Then he tells me that men are naturally leaders. Like this guy, for instance. He is offended by my term 'asshole,' he says, because he would call them 'Alpha Males.' This guy is a leader. Alpha males are natural leaders looking for a woman to follow them.

At this point my friend Stephan comes up. I turn and smile at him, wondering if I can ditch Mystery Man over here. This is where Mystery Man tells me he is the oldest child in his family and, therefore, a natural leader. Stephan says he, too, is the oldest. Mystery Man tells me that the reason I am a follower to Stephan is because I am the baby of the family. (Yes, he used the word baby.)

Two things:
A) I am the oldest of four children.
B) I’m sorry, but when was I a follower to Stephan?????

Apparently, I 'took my cue' from Stephan and changed myself when he entered the conversation, Mystery Man says. I countered that the way I interacted with Mystery Man, whom I didn’t know and found annoying, was different than they way I interacted with a good friend.

That wasn’t good enough. Mystery Man said I looked to him for a way to act, AKA followed. This is my question: Since Stephan crossed the room to come talk to me, wasn’t he following MY lead? Didn't I initiate where we would be located in the bar? By smiling at a friend, am I being lead by the male next to me, who is a natural born leader and oldest child? Or am I just being a person at a bar with a friend.

This is dumb. I left before I lost it on this guy.

I came to the Blue Fugue tonight to have a good time. I wanted to drink some beer, make some jokes, listen to some music and take a break from fighting patriarchy all the damned time. Instead I meet a guy who makes false accusations against me:
1. I haven’t read Mystery's book, nor have I heard of him, because I am not smart enough because the brain is located in the penis.
2. I never initiate contact with men. I am a damsel in distress, always.
3. I turn down all men who try to talk to me, even if they just want to get to know me.
4. I am the baby of my family.
5. I am a natural follower.

I cant tell if this guy was hitting on me, or if he just wanted to impress me, or if he just wanted to preach to me. How can I make this shit stop happening.